Ashley

ROAD TRIP

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 00:36:36 GMT

Woohoo!!!! school has started which means I am back and settled in from my wonderful adventure...with katie to Az. Wow wut an experience!!!!! I'll take a lil time to summarize just about everything we did.
So we started off with a 14 hour drive to sedona az. we made a couple stops but pretty much straight till about 20 or 30 miles past the border we stopped for the night. I discovered that I had gotten my jewelry stolen while i had been in one of the bathrooms at one of the stops which really stank b/c in that bag i had a necklace i had gotten from my grandfather after he had just died :sad: O well...moving on....so we got to my grandma's and chilled there for like 4 or 5 days..swimming shopping at the grocery store LOL fucking spent like 70 bucks on food in like 3 or 4 days ( not including the dinners and stuff my mom made) we saw the bourne supremecy AWSOME AWSOME movie...the driving and cars in the movie are gorgeous! We also went up to NAU (northern az. unv.) and took a tour with a wonderful tour guide (see...i remembered you :happy: ) then went a should katie the old house in flag (a.k.a the riodran mansion) so balh blah blah...nothing to exciting happened at my grandma's hella funny thou to watch katie skate board for the first time and fall flat face down....damn she bit the cement lol!
So then we went to the grandcayon and had our own cabin (PARTY!!) it was great b/c we cud come and go whenever we wanted and have ppl over if we wanted. Kate and I discovered we are very friendly ppl and made a bunch new friends...plus the place we stayed at had ppl workin there from all over the world and it was in there name tag where they were from...so we met ppl from Serbia, germany, Chezch republic, poland...and lots of other places! We went on a hike down into the canyon...four miles down and four miles right back up and it smelled so bad cause it was the mule trail....and they aren't exactly potty trained so there shit was EVERYWHERE! There was one hilarious event when there was a mouse in our room round 12:30 and katie freaked out so much...jumped on the bed and started screamin at the top of her lungs....had to b there but i dont think ive ever lauhed so hard in my life :laughing: as well as the FAT thunderstorm we went through that I texted just about EVERYBODY about...I swear i thought i was going to die...like 2 fires started o man...lots o shit! Ok.....sorry if this is way long so u can always stop readin but there is still way more to tell
So then we went to Zion and went on this hike that a mile in turned to water ...it was called the narrows and u hiked through the water..it was so beautiful! and saw some guys repel down the side of the canyon! It was so funny thou cause katie and i were wearn flip flops and we kept losin them...and they wud start to float away...we go try to run after them and almost break ourselves from slippin on the rocks or have other ppl down stream pick them up for us. Besides that nothin excitin...we had to awsome waiters Jown (a.k.a abe lincoln) and matt...lol who thought katie and i were sweethearts ( we think they might might b gay...or just really nice) And we met some really hot italian boys...they taught us some italian and we taught them some english hehe!
We drove home throu Vegas BABY! my first time there and i loved it,...got some great pictures and katie and i are going back next summer...and especially once we turn 21!

So that was my trip..since ive been back i realized i made a HUGE mistake b4 i left but i dont have the time or strength emotionally to go back on it...o well i have to live with myself......adam brought me back some stuff from thailand....AWSOME PURSE!!! THANKs babe ur the best! the other 2 presents....with one im gunna end up killin myself and the other....i can't believe u got me that lol...wut in the world are my parents going to say if they see it ...o lord! Um..thats all 4 now i guess...tri-school is cool so far...im section leader YAY!!!!! So ill update later after somethin cool happens...O yeah jillians party was FUN FUN FUN and so was my cousins lol...o man...drinkin its bad for u ...makes u do funny things!!!!!

O yea...im prob going to start mainly usin my xanga...which is the same sn...so if it doesnt seem like ive updated recently just take a look at that...and check out my awsome new picture lol..from az.!

WTF?

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 18:17:55 GMT

SO this week has been cool... wed. blew but thats ok...last night was fun i jillian picked me up (b/c my license is suspended for a month due to my speeding ticket but im happy cause i dont have to pay anything, and i no traffic school and i get to drive to school and no point on my lisence!) nehow...jillian picked me up and we went to seans house and watched some ppl play poker for awhile...that kelly girl is actually pretty cool! Then we went to the mall...i bought some earrings and went to her park and met up with chris and played twister...dont ask but it was really fun and then some ppl came and smoked in the park and they talked to us for awhile...funny times...then jillian and chris drove me home. SO w/e this week has also kinda been hard cause i realized a few of my friends are really flaky. Fucking A dude i hate flaky ppl and i dont even know if its that they really cant help it or they hate me and just dont want to tell me..kinda like just get up the guts and tell me how u feel unless u like tourtering me with all this bullshit. If you say ur gonna call...fucking call....if u say u really wanna hang out...fucking hang out and dont make up dumb as excusses...wow am i glad im leavin to go on vacation today im tired of everyones shit....seriously i just dont get the way ppl think!

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 23:00:49 GMT

Why can't anything go right? EVER?!?!?! friends, car, me FRIENDS! fuck I give up

Jesus I'm ready to come home to you....

questions

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 04:29:57 GMT

So I haven’t updated in awhile….b/c I have been tryin to deal with all the things that have been going on around me… I can’t really type it out ive just opened and closed many doors in the past month or 2….shit I have really screwed up royally and hurt a good many people including myself… this appolize is meant for someone…you know who you are. I made a big mistake…at I the end I mean…I hurt you and I can never forgive myself…I really hope we can still b cool cause ill always care.
Im leaving again soon..for the rest of summer I need some time out and away ill maybe find myself…so im out peace.. I love all of you and im sorry…
~much luv~
P.S
I found these questions on my friends xanga…so leave a comment and in the comment answer the questions…or just email the answers…I really want to find out what people think of me….kinda means somethin to me at this point so please answer if u have a moment
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. Would you ever go out with me?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. would you hold me and really stay by my side if something bad happened?

Happy

Fri, 02 Jul 2004 04:39:17 GMT

he likes me....he likes me not...he likes me...he likes me not...HE LIKES ME!!!!!!!YAY!!!! muah! im so happy...fianlly truely happy : )

vacation!!!!

Mon, 21 Jun 2004 20:27:55 GMT

I'm home!!!!!!!!!! I had a really good time in AZ. nice and relaxing! : D I was really lazy for most of it, hung out around the pool and tried to get a tan...even though I don't think it worked out to well. Spent time with my mom, grandma and two aunts. The good news...my mom and I didn't fight to much, pretty good relationship the whole time...the bad news, when we did fight it really wasn't to pretty but thats okay. For those of you who know more about the situation and can read between those lines, a lil message thinks are lookin like they are gettin better! Lets see I went and saw the skate park my grandma paid like 2 million or somethin to build for the kids in the commuinity and its really cool b/c its named after my grandfather : ) I really miss him, he was the most proud, wonderful person I have ever known : (
Anyhow....so then I met a guy named andrew...cute guy...good times in hallmark muah! lol hehe lol then saturday I went up to flagstaff with my two aunts, grandma, mom, and uncle for the 100 yr. celebration of the house good times...but i think i was the only person under the age of 30, thats cool though I love talkin to bob, peter, the gannon boys, susan, and caroline...as well as everyone else. The next morning I came home : ) now I'm here so call me up and we will hang out...unless I have hw cause I started my summer school course today, I think it will be pretty fun..I'll sure learn alot : ) okay thats all for now talk to y'all later
~much luv~

summer so far...

Thu, 10 Jun 2004 20:04:10 GMT

yea...havent updated in awhile so ill give everyone a run down of whats been happenin in my life....
so .. im not grounded which is WONDERUFL shesh, having to pay i think wud b enough but anyhow...im kinda on probation mode and i need to do a couple things for my mom everyday but besides that i can go out and everything. If you wanna hang out leave a comment or just call me : )
Uh...ok so last sat. i babysat which was interesting i guess, sunday CLEANED MY ROOM wow, i hate doing that but it felt wonderful after and everything looks so nice now....took me from like 9 in themornin till 6 at night.Then I went to church and out to din din with my parents, thats when i found out i wasnt grounded the rest of my life
Monday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHEN!!! i took my bro stevie-boy to lunch then came home and tried to figure out what exactly was happenin that night which ended up going as follows...both my parents were gone so jillian came over as did chris, joe, and chris..and then my lil friend lizzy and we watched a movie and all helped cook dinner..anyone want pasta? cause we have ALOT left!! So then jillian spent the night.
Tuesday: dentist appointment...went to joes fora lil bit, then another doctors appointment for my knee...then i went to see HArry Potter with my parents it was GREAT! but didnt go along with the book that well at all...but awesome job anyhow i recomened it!
then i came home and talked on the phone 4 awhile tried to figure or a yes or no to great america and delt with some drama
Wednesday: went to farmers market with my mom...went to katies house and we just sat around bored for awhile, watched part of the lizzy maguire (spelling?) movie...then went and joined chris and joe at the P.C.C to work out for like 2 hoursish...then katie and I went a crazy car ride...not sure really where (we were REALLY bored) tried to think of ppls houses we cud go by but most of our friends are still in school...almost drove to san jose but changed our minds....hit on some really weird guys then saw them later on the night...really freaky...anyhow then we went home took a ashower and went to rent euro trip.Chris, chris, joe, joe, and mike came over to katies and we watched the movie and hung out...i spent the night
Thursday: (today) drove over to berkley with my mom it was cool, grabbed lunch and now im here..cant do anything tonight but if ppl want to hang out tomorrow or the next day let me know! Hope everyones summer is going GREAT!!!

Xanga

Fri, 04 Jun 2004 03:02:48 GMT

I Got a Xanga...ask for the website, or sn or whatever and I'll give it to you, but I'm not going to post it because there are people who I don't want to read it....keep it more personal so I can really vent if I need to :) Finals are over YAYAYAYAY!!! HAve a wonderful summer!

Shocked.....

Wed, 02 Jun 2004 21:57:20 GMT

It wasn't supposed to happen.
At least she didn't feel anything
Why must these things happen to
such innocent people...?
At least there won't be anymore pain
~*~R.I.P Julie Wong~*~ June 2nd, 2004
Age:13 her birthday was monday (happy birthday)

love

Tue, 01 Jun 2004 22:34:50 GMT

Who is to judge what is for the weak and what is for the

strong? Everyone bases his or her own accusations on personal

experience, it shows what type of person you are and who you

have grown to be. Not to say that you have to go through life

always cheery or always bitter but you must take each situation

and analyze it and realize what you can gain from it. Breakups

and heartache are the worst ~ after each one you can’t

comprehend why your still alive, why the pain hasn’t murdered

you like getting hit by a car or shot in the head. Until you

look and realize everything you had before is still at your

fingertips except that one person…and should you as a

respectable human being really allow that one situation to ruin

your life? Wreck your views on the world and change your

perspective of the things around you? Why will you permit the

person hold such power over you to rule your life after they

are out of it? Or, if your heart is crushed from death it would

be a disappointment to the one you love to change who you are,

you should remain the person they knew and loved, they,

EVERYONE understands it takes time but do not let it consume

your life. Some of my friends say love is for the weak. But I

do not agree. Love is not for the weak but for the strong,

those who fear pain, who run scared from strong emotional

relationships like a coward after a hard time will never feel

the great joy you can get out of just looking in someone’s eyes

again or when you can just sit in content silence knowing that

you don’t have to speak but just be, be there in the moment

with the other person. And then when it’s over be thankful for

the brief dreams, but then let them go. "people fall in love,

but they have to climb out." John Ciardi

*~*Pray for Julie Wong and her family, her condition is same. Why God, she is an innocent little girl!*~*

Thu, 27 May 2004 02:41:57 GMT

Procrastination…what a wonderfully horrible thing….finals start on Friday….have I started studyin? Nope, not really AHHH!!! I mean last night I finally sat down and went through my whole binder that has all my shit in it and took out all the important papers I will need for finals and put them in order of date and subject…..then took all the other papers I didn’t think I would need and put them in dated order in another folder in case I end up needing something…would u believe it took an hour and a half?!?! Hot damn I was tired after that (especially since…like most of you know… I got really sick this weekend and my parents said if I still am feeling this weak come Saturday they are gonna take me in for a blood test. : ( ack!

Well at least I have my band final done…although I haven’t written my paper yet…I keep putting it off saying Ill do it tomorrow..then the next day, so I guess ill do it this weekend and drop it off on my to school on Tuesday : ) PLEASE REMIND ME TO DO IT! Lol….

Let see…chem and math on Friday….do I remember anything from this semester? Nope not at all!! And all the kids in my chem class r pissed cause our calcs have to have clear memory so they cant cheat…im pissed cause it means I have to earase all my games damnit and all the equation shit I need for math o well! Ill just use someone elses calc is all

ALL my grades are border line…A- and B+ so I have to do well on all my finals to keep them there…and im super scared cause I keep putting off everything…like im doing right now writing this journal entry instead of studyin my chem which I have in front of me but don’t really seem to be energized to do.

AHHH!!! TOMORROW IS OUR LAST LUNCH OF THE YEAR!!! Im really sad cause we, the five of us (elle p, liz, tori, katie and I) have really formed a bond over this whole semester and its gonna stink to end it. SOOOO we are havin a party during lunch tomorrow, and im gonna act ghetto the whole time to piss them off…but they no they love it no matter wut…even if I use seatcovers (inside joke don’t ask) im gonna bring grapes…everyone is assigned something itll b fun I think…..then dun dun dun…the next day finals o damn…just shoot me now.

Is it just me or have finals really snuck up on us this semster…cause I really didn’t see them coming at all just kinda pounced one day…so that means that summer is almost here and im kinda scared for summer.

Not really scared more like curious how it is gonna turn out…lots o ppl are leavin Joe is going back to Idaho : ( and adam is going out to danville even I’m gonna b gone a lot..spending bout half my summer in az….a week and a half in june and then 3 weeks in aug (WITH KATIE!! YAY PARTY) plus….new friendships and other relationships have formed and others have ended so the paring up of ppl should b interesting to see. I hope I get to hang out with everyone between when im working as a nanny prob (for the three kids from hell lol…hey its $ at least) and summer school and trips. 4th of July is gonna rock I have a feeling and I will finally get to go to the edge with katie and donnie and hopefully lots of other ppl for sure!!!

Summer is also gonna major suck…I got my summer reading books which don’t look to bad, but I havent seen how thick they are yet and my homework for AP Bio next yr. Wow that meeting scared the crap outta me I have to do the first five chapts and have a test on them the first week back…ACK! And like we are gonna do the whole book next yr. All 57 chpts with lots of double periods( 4th and 5ht back to back which means no lunch…woohoo..or not) but it’s a small class of 14 kids and im sure we will all get to n eachother and stuff..new friends always fun!

But now that I have rambled on and on avoiding studying for chem I now must go…but real quick update… MELISSA’S SISTER IS DOING BETTER YAY! So everyone keep praying I know it is helping thanks much…GOOD LUCK ON FINALS!!! MUAH!

~much luv~

Please pray.........

Tue, 25 May 2004 23:23:54 GMT

Originally my entry was focused on Melissa and her sister Julie (original message posted below) but it has come to my attention that more than just those two and there family need prayers! Why God? Why are so many people dieing lately or so close it hurts ...what has happened? Watch over all people I have connections with, don't let any more harm come to any of them!

~Everyone PLEASE PRAY for Garrett, his family and his Grampa R.I.P~

~Everyone PLEASE PRAY for my daddy and his friend Charlie R.I.P~

~Will everyone PLEASE PRAY For Melissa and her sister Julie~

May God watch over that little angel and her
family....let good come from bad...do
not let anymore sadness fall upon
that family! Everyone send
out their good thoughts
and feelings.
Thank you.

quotes and frineds cont.

Thu, 20 May 2004 02:48:02 GMT

Random quotes I have colected this week….some of you might get them (especially if you eat lunch with me) others wont…still funny though so enjoy!
∑ Fuck….guys treat girls like vending machines….u cant just finger it like ur pressing a button god!
∑ Well ya no, ya no, ya no I read books by tape… ya no?
∑ Well sooorrrryyy mister speedy gonzalas!
∑ Acceptance is seeing w/ your heart, not your eyes
∑ The highlighter is the light, come here little girl…wtf? You trippin man get the fuck away!
∑ No really im gonna shove this up your vagina, swear to mother fucking God open up damnit! (my frined said waving a lettuce wrap at my other friend~ disturbing)
∑ Whats the thing that happens inside you, the thing u get…ya no when u get happy? Answ: WEED.,..u get high THEN U GET HAPPY Reply: no those are endorphins….Reply: o….nvm, I don’t smoke no worries…..
∑ You can’t out run my legs, they will just follow u where ever u go!!!
Now I said I would talk about the friends I didn’t talk about last time….and im sure even now I will forget some ppl!!!
Tori~ We just met this year, but girl you and I connect…thanks for comin to the rescue when I need help and you’re a great lunch buddy and history sleepy buddy! You’ll go so far in life…just believe inurself cause ur beautiful and don’t let anyone tell you different…SHOWerS for life!
Liz~another lunch buddy….o those long conversations about God knows what, but lunch is always fun, helps us loosen up, get awake and understand what in going on in everyone’s lives. That goes for ELLE P too! Both you guys, we have talked about a lot of hard stuff this year…I love that I can b open with both of you and the WHOLE lunch crowd (that includes Katie and tori also) the advice I get from you guys (sex, boys, school, everything) has helped me out a lot this semester thank you so much!!!
Kelly~ My first real friend at Notre Dame…from band… o Mr. Jordan..he loves you and hates me YAY! My book reading buddy…LOR DOF THE RINGS YAY! You stil hve my cheezits…good night…25 bucks on food to only eat like 6 dollars worth…then the cards at the guys house, the guy looks like fonsie. We so have to do that again! Close up is going to b a BLAST! YAY! I’m glad u are staying here this summer…woohoo!
Nick~ MY PROM DATE! That was so much fun, I’m glad you were able to make it! I’m also glad we were able to become good friends as well..SIGNS! jesus that movie scared the shit outta me (that is a huge alien)…even though u got to school all the way down in san jose…we still close..batman rules…superman should die! YAY lol…this summer should be hella fun!
Garrett~ awww…my racing buddy!! I’m glad I got to know u, even if it was under unfortunate circumstances…I appreciate you helped me to realize who my true friends are..and those who are just assholes! Summer is coming YAY! I hope we hang out a lot cause you’re a great guy, thanks for being there!
Dan~ another one of my band buddies! I’m glad we got close this year, who taught we so much…introduced me to new things I didn’t no that was out there…like LAN parties… I had never heard of them, can u believe that? I hope you have an awesome time next year at college and I will miss you so u better visit and ill try to visit you to 2!

Again…if I forgot someone…I am so sorry!!!!

I love all of you!

Mon, 17 May 2004 23:40:30 GMT

Overcome with emotion…not sure how to express it..its to much…I care for all of you, always will. I thank God everyday for my friends I love you all especially my really close ones, its just weird, weird how things can change so fast with such a small little thing, a word or action…nothing life changing.. just a simple small thing can turn someone’s world completely upside down. I’m not depressed, im not sad really….just weirded out I guess, confused that the world is turning to fast for me to keep up….things keep flipfloping around me that I wish I had a huge brake I could just press stop it all just for awhile, long enough to get my barrings…understand wuts going on b4 something else is hurled at me! In my last entry I said it doesn’t hurt to tell me if you love me or care, so now I’m gonna write and thank those you are really important in my life at the moment! Thank you katie, my second half~ for standing by me, being my ear being my sister, they say blood is thicker…well I think the amount of wounds emotionally and physically we have helped each other heal is close enough to blood as we are ever gonna get : ) Steve, its almost like I can see into the future and tell that in about 20 or 30 years we will still be talking on the phone, ending up in hysterics either due to my laugh or some other recent event or dream that has taken place. I love you with all my heart and will never let our friendship end no matter who or what will try to get in the way. I support u and ur decisions no matter what and will always be there to pick up the pieces like I know you are there for me in the same way! Jillian I have known you for my whole highschool career and am really happy I met you! We connect on some weird level…we understand each other without having to say a word and can be open and up front with each other…I will always remember our times of happiness and despair. Out of all my friends I think you have caused me to grow the most and really reflect on my life as a whole, thank you! Joe~ you are like an older brother with wisdom u pass on to me. I can be open with you as well…bare my heart, show u and say this is me and you accept it and don’t abuse it. It seems like you have gone through a lot and im glad you were able to find our group and that we are able to provide you with a home away from home…we may fight but you will always be a really close friend to me. Andrew~ we have been through a lot together..people, adventures, emotions, and groundings : ) lol…thank you for always being there for me and hopfeully I am always there for you as well. I hope to always stay in touch with you no matter what..i don’t want things to change I like it just the way it is!!! You’re a great guy!!! Eric~ wow…how long has at been…how many times have I seen you…lol? But the hours we talk about everything and nothing has meant so much to me. It hurt when we started to lose touch, but then it has begun again thank goodness I missed you so much!! You seem confused…but u keep my grounded, make me aware of the things that arent just going on in my life…remind me that other ppl go through stuff outside of the penn. I will always love you no matter what, I cant help it, u just mean to much! Adam~ my first love, and still really good friend thank you for being there many good times, nick names, losing balance and falling over imaginary lines…my sad confused republican buddy who will soon see the error in his ways…guns should be banned and you know it…but I love debating with you ( we all know I always win) and will remember you when I watch certain movies!!
I’m sorry to all those I haven’t mentioned b/c im sure im missing some important people, so I as people come to mind I will add them to my journal and remember everyone I know..no matter what our relationship I care for you (unless I really hate you, and if that is that case you wouldn’t have this website to read) and love you and thank you for being my friend!

no.....can't be

Fri, 14 May 2004 01:04:46 GMT

Im kinda getting scared at the moment. Those feelings are starting to ebb back into my life…the dark feelings. At different points in my day I am having to stop and tell myself people love me..people care about me no matter what my mind is telling me. I hate those feelings though, the feelings where I can’t name anyone besides my parents who love me…who care for me..who understand what I’m going through and will be there to listen. It’s like I start drowning in a black pool of my own thoughts, paranoid, always looking over my shoulder. Maybe part of this is due to my friends, there is a break…fights, true feelings coming out..im scared but I see peoples true colors…I see who they are when things go wrong, when I need them and they fail…when they don’t know me well enough to know when there is a time for joking and taking things to far…I’m confused…this weekend it was a mistake I swear, yet my body and heart say differently…they are falling back into the trap…I gave myself time, but was it enough..no..no it wasn’t it was a mistake wasn’t it? Or am I meant to be, be there was it a sign, a sign saying other things are not meant to be….no, no it was just a bad coincidence that I have been longing to have happen ever since last time…shit wut dd I do? Who, who is supposed to be the one to answer these questions? God? Is he there for me rite now? Of course he is but I don’t see him answering my questions. Does anyone love me? Do people see what they do to me by brushing me off, hurting me, walking over me like a doormat… taking me for granted? I won’t be here forever, in fact in about a year I will b gone, long gone college is approaching and I couldn’t be happier. I need a break….I need to leave, get away from it…hopefully my mind won’t sink back into the mentality of leaving for good, those thoughts are scary and plague my nightmares…but I won’t allow myself to sink back…back there into sad days…where nothing could make me smile, smile on the inside. Gone……..if u love, if u care..it doesn’t hurt sometimes just to say you do…really doesn’t.

weekend

Wed, 12 May 2004 06:00:41 GMT

Hey~ so ive been pretty busy lately…lets c my weekend went as follows~
Friday~I went to luca’s baseball game and then that night I slept!!! 4EVER I went to sleep early and loved every minute of it
Saturday~ I woke up 7:30 and had SAT II tutor from 8:-9:30 then I cleaned my room did hw, fun stuff. Round 3 ADAM came over and we just kinda chilled for 2 hours..he left and I went to church. After church I went to c mean girls with katie, donnie, and luca…good times at the movies : )
Sunday~ MOTHERS DAY…just kinda chilled at home, then went to dinner at the Ritz in HMB with family…CUTE WAITER…might get a job there lol..jk…but yea good times there….and that was my weekend…add in hw, couple phone calls, a couple major fights with friends that r all pretty much resolved cept the one with God damn Joe….and that’s it in a nut shell

THIS WEEKEND IM FREE…at least rite now I think…cept I think on fri im going to Tom’s house, and I have to hang out with luca sometime..i dunno…BUT IF UR SOMEONE WHO REALLY WANTS TO HANG OUT…leave a comment and ill c what I can do : ) or just a comment to make me feel special.

PRAY FOR DONNIE…LOL..wow that boy needs help, major major help!

I like the skirt hula dance katie…
Elle p….lets go rite now…on the grass in the CIRCLE!!!

my mind....

Wed, 05 May 2004 03:36:14 GMT

SO this weekend was really fun..got to see my brother (who is doing a lot better) and aleda! It was his graduation and we helped him move out as well..which was fun in itself… I got absolutely NO sleep, but it was worth it.

Then I got home……..
I guess it just comes down to the fact that God is really trying to tell me something. Trying to teach me a lesson in some way and I’m just not learning. This person keeps jumping in and out of my life, and I hate it, I really really just want her to leave me alone and I thought for sure about a month or 2 ago she wud b pretty much out of my life for good, seemed all my friends didn’t like her to much, and those who did wudnt shove that fact in my face…WELL GUESS WHAT? I was wrong..completely….she is now back in my life more seriously than b4. And to tell the truth im scared, scared about what the future will bring, will what happened last time, last yr and this yr happen again…it hurts to think about….i cant, I wont WONT let it happen. Plus it she killed one of my other friends, he claims he is fine, but I know hes lieing, otherwise it woudlnt have hurt him as much as it did the other night. Drama… I hate it, my life would be complete if I would be able to go back to the days when I could lay in my room looking out to the flowers thinking good thoughts and dreaming good dreams. Able to sleep at night without the pressure of school, college and my parents wishes harping on my mind. Those days I used to have long lazy ones, when I didn’t have the outside pressures…when I could enjoy little things like the breeze gently washing over me…tickling me feet..the feel on the sun on my back without a care in the world. Those are gone now, not always to b replaced with bad thoughts, just busy..always going never resting The stomache aches are back, worse than b4….cramping I can’t escape…. I think its just that the end of the year is coming, I’m burnt out, don’t know where to turn….except luca….ure such a sweetie…since the day I meet u I knew I could just talk to you for hours, not feeling like I have to hide anything, for the past couple weeks I think you one of the thing that has kept me sane : ) along with katie (im sorry baby about the basketball thing….ur to good for it anyhow) jillian, nick, sean, al lof my friends, steve and andrew….i love that I can just b me without any expectations!
Expectations…that’s what runs our lives, as children we are brought up to be multiskilled…never being good enough…pushing us to the ultimate level and if we fall short of that bar we are considered failures…failures b/c we didn’t meet the standards of the college board or our school…do they take into account our personality…no b/c that wont really get u anywhere in life will it? Sorry…SAT II are riding on my mind at the moment……..I give up…..the world can take me now b/c im tired of dealing with it…the everyday things, I don’t want to deal with it anymore… I hate the attachment, the attachment then disappointment…I cant let that run my life. The possibility that one thing can ruin my life, or at least depress me for a little while..that scares me…I need to learn to control my emotions, with my mom..with friends and everyone… lord help me now…I just really don’t know what to do rite now…stay home in bed under the covers hiding form the world…no I cant do that, that’s not me, I need to get up face it I need to learn this is life…welcome it, and let it take me on its roller coaster!

Fri, 30 Apr 2004 03:22:39 GMT

YEAH!!! I've been having a great life for like...this past month! My grades are great, friends are great, just in a happy mood. Prom was awsome...NICK YOUR THE BEST. Pretty good DJ, loved dancing and just hangin out with friends. The food wasnt the best, but hey, noone was really that hungry anyhow. I'm leaving for boston..bro is graduating!!! YAYAYAYAY I GET TO SEE HIM. BUt ill miss everybody this weekend for sure, text me when u get bored, but dont call cause that costs to much money! But the cab will b here soon.... SOOO MUAHHH!! I LOVE YOU ALl and ill c u when i get back!

Spring break

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 02:17:46 GMT

SoOoOo…. Havent updated, been super busy with spring break, school, college stuff, and friends.
SO lots of stuff happened over spring break, if you want the details ask because its to much to type out…but lets see the first night went to the movies with luca, then thurs. had ppl over went to the ave…Friday ppl came over during the day then I went to jillians that night and chilled with sean a lot : )…Saturday parents annv. So I took them to dinner…Sunday EASTER (he has risen) went to cousins house…Monday my bbq that was hella fun (JOE needs to learn how to control his anger while playin ping pong I swear, damn!) Tuesday I went to the city with everyone and my cousin!!! YAY sarah I love you to death!!!!!!!!! Wed I left for san diego with jillian and saw USD, UCSD, and occidental… SUPER FUN!!! Got back on fri went to sleep, woke up for a track meet…that night went to the movies with stephen and andrew…..i sat in the middle and they enjoyed tourmenting me..enough said LOL..then stopped by joes, which was really boring but w/e. Left and went home, then Sunday I went to LUCA’s and had a good time : ) came home and did college work with daddy… WOW very busy spring break 4 SURE! Ok, so I’ve decided that flaky friends bug the shit outta me, I liked him for awhile, then I realized there was notin there on his part, then I wanted to just b good friends with him…now I completely given up, so im not gonna try anymore, w/e im washing my hands of the whole thing I mean he wants to hang gout and talk, he needs to initiate it I still like him and everything, its just warring I guess…..PROM is FRIDAY!!!! YAY we gonna have fun for sure! Nick is an awsome guy so I think we will b a great mix, hope to see u there if ur goin, if not ill c u another time.

Send good thoughts and warm fuzzies toward Aleda’s dads heart so they can make it out to graduation! YAY Boston in 2 weeks…..I GET TO C JONATHAN!!!!!!!

My brother....

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 05:34:58 GMT

*~Everybody PLEASE pray for my brother~*
So……this week has kinda been blah I guess…my brother is really sick, so everybody keep him in your thoughts. He's a great guy, one of my best friends and it would send me over the edge if anything should happen to him. That’s all I really have to say besides…MY BIRTHDAY IS SATURDAY, im celebrating tomorrow at school!! YAY for 17! Hope everybody has had a good week!

This weekend....

Mon, 29 Mar 2004 03:17:56 GMT

This weekend was…..interesting….Some weird shit went on!
Friday night was pretty cool I guess, I went to an early movie (starsky and Hutch) with jillian, stephen, and joe. It was an ok movie, nothing I would die to see again though. After I got out katie called me in hysterics b/c her parents were about to catch her in san jose when she was supposed to b at Notre Dame, so I told her to get her ass in the car and head back up here fast and go straight to the Notre Dame parking lot. During the time she was coming back up here joe, jillian, stephen and I went to yummy yogurt and got some ice cream or " yogurt cause its not desert for jillian : )" Then katie called so we went to visit her at notre Dame and that was cool I guess, chris d. chris R, katie M. and melissa C. came and met us. We hung out in the parking lot for a lil bit, but then I headed home b/c I needed by 830 cause Saturday morning I had SAT’s!!! So I went to sleep by 930

Saturday I woke up around 630, got dressed and ate a healthy breakfast! My mom drove me over to San Mateo and I met up with amanda and meghan…saw Sam and Brett, then saw DEVIN and STEVE and a bunch of people I hadnt seen since middle school, o man those B.I.S kids…jenna, ashley, katie, nick…it was pretty cool! SO then I went through brutal hell of taking that test for 3 hours then headed home and did some hw and just chilled till I had church at 5:00. I came home at 6 and saw katie, chris and joe in front of my house, and thought o SHIT only katie is supposed to be here…but it ended up bein ok. Then the whole situation with donnie happened….omg….I dunno im kinda mad at one of my friends because HOW RUDE CAN U BE? Just thinking you can invite someone at last moment, but I dunno I guess I can see where she was coming from like….she hadnt really gotten to see him, but still she said it was jus gonna b us that night but I dunno….we are cool now so w/e.
So katie and I headed off to garretts house… HAPPY BIRTHDAY GARRETT!! And hung out there for like…uh… I think an hour then we left (I kinda didn’t want to but katie HAD to see donnie but w/e) so we went to joe’s house and chris D, joe, donnie, Chris R, katie M, and nick where there. Joe G mike S and his gf ended showin up and that was cool.So then one of my friends (name will not b mentioned) got REALLY fucked up. I’d never seen this person like that and like it was pretty funny at first I guess, joe kinda messed with their mind but then things got out of hand and I got really uncomfortable….really uncomfortable and I wanted to just leave but I couldn’t ditch katie (who couldn’t b found) even though I had half a mind to I had really wanted to leave with Chris R and katie M but I didn’t because im the "good loyal friend" god damn im tired of being that person…ppl take advantage of me and I so FUCKING TIRED of it! So I finally got katie and away and said bye to everyone (side note thanks STEPHEN for talking to me on the phone and offering to come, I love you to death, best friend a girl could have ) So we left and I dunno….we ended up bein cool, talked it out and stuff, just opened my eyes to who my friends really are I guess….hurt pretty bad,,,wished we wudda just stayed at garretts or drove around or somethin…girl I love u so much, ur my BEST friend….y u gotta hurt me like that? But the good thing is u realize it and ur gonna change it I hope!
Sunday~ Katie and I woke up around 7…don’t ask me why….crazy girl that one is : ) then we just talked for awhile, she left around 930 then I headed over to alicia’s (after a fat fight with my parents, I dunno I really need to get outta this hell whole! Emotional shit is really startin to get to me, my fucking mom is starting to time the time we have together to "show" me I don’t spend enough with her, only 20 min a day… yes I think my mom is sick in the head as well lol) so I go to alicias and she, jillian, and I work on our religion project.. ITS GONNA KICK ASS! Awesome job ladies! Then I really didn’t want to b home with my mom so I went called joe and we went to the library and did our hw, he was readin his physc tellin me all bout dreams and I was asking him about US history….AHH fat mid term tomorrow! Wish me luck! Then went home, did hw and just chilled, did all my billions amounts of hw, and am still currently doing so, but ill b online later if y’all want to talk!

YAY for the musical

Thu, 25 Mar 2004 07:01:12 GMT

Hum…havent updated in awhile. Nothing to special has happened…well yea it has so lets go over the last couple weeks events, mainly focusing on this weekend.
So Friday nite went and saw the musical it was great!!! YAY for everyone who was in it! Andrew, phil, kristiana, melissa, and everyone im forgetting! I got to see devin there..aww!! I haven’t seen him in for so long. After I drove him to veronicas to pick up his car and then went and drove around talking on my cell phone with joe trying to figure out my currently weird ass confusin love life (or lack there of not sure which).
Saturday I woke up and went to my track meet…chris came and watched us : ) I threw crappy but o well, I did pretty good today! Then I gave adam a ride back to serra and went to get ready for babysittin. I went there at 5 and stayed till 12 got 70 bucks.
Those kids are devils I swear to God, the 4 yr old was whippin me with a dog leash …wut the hell…but I dealt with it in a nice mannor…not my shovin my foot up his ass… as some ppl recommended..lol (garrett and his three friends stopped by and lets jus say I wudnt want them watchin my kids) So I got home..talked on the phone for a bit then drifted off the dreamland.
Sunday….SAT took a practice SAT and church…nothin to special…im tired now and I think im gonna go to bed…GNITE!
P.S Congrats to DONNIE AND KATIE…AHH!!! CUTE COUPLE!

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 05:18:11 GMT

Lets see, this weekend I was grounded, so not to much happened. On Friday I went school, then practice. Jillian and I hoped in the car and drove to her moms work, and then to Chris’s work to talk to Rich about a summer job as a lifeguard…WISH ME LUCK! Jillian and I realized that we needed to practice in order to pass the certification test soOo….we went to the PAC and did a bunch of laps and treaded water. I went home, got there about 7:00ish, ate dinner and then me dad and I went to buy me some ski boots, and the guy who sold them to me liked me enough to offer me a job there for next winter!YAY!
Saturday I woke up at 7 and had a track meet..i threw 70 in the disc!!!YAYAYAY!!! and 26 in the shot. All in all a good day. I got home and then went to church. During church I actually paid attention and heard an interesting story.
A dad was tryin to explain 9/11 to his son and explained the difference
Between good and evil by sayin an eagle and snake were fighting
The eagle represented goodness and love and the snake
Represented bad and evil.
The little boy asked which would win and the dad said
Which ever one you feed, whether u feed the evil or the goodness
I dunno, when I heard that I just thought it was a really interesting way of putting it. ANYHOW….then I went swimming again with Jillian and chris..o yeah, really grounded huh? Lol…then we went and ate and met up with kevin and reed and there 2 friends, and joe and joe came. So it was cool! I was home by 9:30 Talked on the phone till bout 1 am and then went sleep.
Today, SAT tutor, and dinner with parents…nothin to wonderful. I am diggin the weather though! I hope everybody else is having a great 2, 3, or 4 day weekend!
Tell me about it!

Its wednesday

Thu, 11 Mar 2004 04:08:24 GMT

Hey~ so today was kinda boring…its Wednesday. I had school, track, then went with jillian and chris to his work and picked up a application, met some guy named…uh mark I think, and jus chilled. Now im home studyin and doing hw.
Yesterday was cool! I went to school and track as usual, then came the serra game and THEY WON!!! YAY for them… I dunno I didn’t pay much attention. After I didn’t go to coldstones…IM SORRY!! But I did go c nick for a little bit and we chilled outside his house for like an hour just talkin it was actually pretty cool…then he tackled me, but its all good cause I was wearin his sweatshirt so he got his own clothes dirty NOT MINE : )
I got home around 10, did some last minute homework then went to sleep! Well, I hope everyones week is going great!
P.S. Garrett… I REALLY hope you back gets better!!!! I’m sorry you got into that accident! If there is anything u need me to do just let me know!!!im good at massages ; ) hehe FEEL BETTER!!!

FUN WEEKEND

Tue, 09 Mar 2004 03:36:52 GMT

OK…so garret updated so now its my turn : ) !
Wow…hum this weekend….Friday night I worked at the Gatsby ball which was cool cause Andrew, Melissa, John (my fav. Freshman) and kyle and LOTs of ppl were there…so I didn’t really work much but chilled with all of them.
Sat was awsome! I went to lazer tag with like…millions o ppl… Chris D, Chris R, Jillian, Katie, Donny, Chris, Joe S, and Joe G, Tori, Elle p, Liz, Kelly, ghetto Katie, Rachel, Nick, Molly, Steve, Adam, and jillians brother and his friends, and im sure im forgettin som eppl so im sorry! So we played to games there and ate at In-N-Out. After I went back to burlingame and I made it there in like 10 minutes (form MTN VIEW) wow…oops… anyhow I met up with garret and his friend Joe and jus kinda talked for awhile, and he was a bum cause he didn’t come with us that night….o well its all good he jus better hang out with me next time : ) ! And a special note for Tori….U DID IT OMG… IM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!WAY TO BELIEVE IN URSELF!! I told u that u could do it no worries…Hayword… HEY YEAH!!! Its like the song : ) And katie…donny is great!! I feel bad for not really talkin to him, but wonderful : )
Sunday…went and worked at Katies dads work which was cool w/ jillian and katie..and I swear I got high on that ink or somethin…wow a headache…I really think that guy thought I was a crack head… MY REVIEW MIRROR…. YAYAYAYYAYA!!!
Then I went home, walked a dog, talked on the phone..went to the library SAW MARK, went to church.. WATCHED ALIAS!!!! And uh….went to bed!
So everybody needs to tell me bout there weekends……!!!!!!!!!!!